Story time

Monday Tiger Woods today asked me to write a bedtime story so I came up with this. It's fantastic. Enjoy! By the way, I was sane when writing this story.

Lady Gretchen and the Land of Grapes & Cherries

Once upon a time, many, many years ago there lived a young lady named Gretchen who lived in the Land of Grapes around the 17th century. Lady Gretchen as she preferred to be called, lived in a tiny house made of straw with her family and pet donkey, Mike. Mike was bought at the insistence of Gretchen, so she could have someone to pick on. Lady Gretchen was about to finish her time at the Boarding School of fine winery before moving on to higher education at CandyLand University and was debating what to do before her final dance, which back then was known as the Sugar Plum fairy dance of love, but for short was known as the Sugar high. Anyways, Lady Gretchen was known to catch the fancy of many of the boys at school especially for her straw hat and also because she knitted her own clothes, which to no one’s surprise was purple. Before the Sugar high, people had lined up to ask lady Gretchen to the Sugar High and she eventually settled on a strapping young kiddo named Alan who was the star of the high school Cricket team. However, Alan was not all he seemed.

The Friday night of the Sugar High came and Lady Gretchen was looking ravishing with her purple toga and things were going well. Until the end of the dance came when Alan showed his true colors. During the final number, Alan persuaded Lady Gretchen over to the left side of the dance floor where a suspicious-looking bucket was placed. At the end of the number, melted grapes were poured ruining her dress, and staining her beautiful red hair with purple gook. The culprit was her long-time bitter rival, Lady Sara who Gretchen “lovingly” referred to as Lady Sucka, because she was a moron. But what Gretchen didn’t realize was that Sara had magical powers and was able to tarnish Lady Gretchen’s image enough to banish Gretchen from the Land of Grapes forever.

Lady Gretchen, obviously devastated, was able to somehow make it the land of cherries and start over. Gretchen was just another lady now and had no where to go. She enrolled at the boarding school of fine cherry pie and started classes there on how to make pie and such. So after a couple days, she got invited to the biggest party of them all what was referred to as “The cherry bomb.” There at the Cherry bomb, Lady Gretchen met Sir Bobby, who was recently knighted by King Colin. Bobby always walked around in his knight costume and saw Lady Gretchen sitting on a hay bale all by herself obviously anxious and shy about being there. Bobby introduced himself and said he was a knight. Lady Gretchen explained the grape story and after hearing that story, Bobby offered to be Gretchen’s personal bodyguard, since he felt the responsibility to be just and good. Gretchen, flattered by the offer, accepted and the two become extremely close. Then one night atop Apple Mountain, Sir Bobby offered roses, and of course pies to have Lady Gretchen join her as his soulmate. Gretchen said yes in a stream of tears and they had a heartfelt kiss under the stars.

Now, Gretchen had Bobby but still didn’t feel truly accepted in the land of cherries, but one day she went into the astronomy room lost and looking for a different classroom. There she met Jim, but has he later said, “Everybody here calls me Rudy, because I remind them of the ultimate underdog with the ladies.” Gretchen snickered and a semester went by. One semester later…

Gretchen walks into Cherry-picking class and who does she see? That’s right, Rudy and his posse, Calvin, Fozzy, and Nick, who had a band named “The Joker’s Wild” Rudy was talking to the three when Gretchen walked over in glee relieved that she knew someone in there. Rudy introduced the band members who were enthralled with her and her lovely straw hat. The five became fast friends but Rudy and Gretchen’s friendship was the closest. They would often talk through aluminum cans on a pole to each other whenever Gretchen had something on her mind.

Then one day during cooking class, Rudy, unbeknownst to the others had sat besides Lacey, a girl who was King Colin’s daughter and nice although to be nice, somewhat academically challenged. Rudy, who was known as one of the smart kids in the group, or “Smarks” Rudy and Lacey had known each other for a long time and he offered to help her out because he was such a nice guy. In fact he was such a nice guy, that in the junior boarding school of cherries, Rudy had earned the coveted “Nice Guy Award.”

What Rudy didn’t expect was that Calvin would be in there too. The jig was up, and Calvin quickly went and told Gretchen that Lacey was into Rudy. Rudy defended himself saying that wasn’t true, but Calvin wasn’t buying it, and Gretchen sided with Calvin. Suspicion ran rampant among the five as to why Rudy didn’t have a girlfriend, and he said that he hadn’t really explored it, especially since rumors of him being with others had been fun enough. But Gretchen pried and pried and found out that about 6 years prior, he asked a girl to the “Cherry sundae dance” and she responded by slamming a cherry sundae right in his face. Rudy went home and was bitterly disappointed. Gretchen then told the grape story and Rudy and Gretchen realized they had something in common back in the past, but not anymore.

Gretchen coached Rudy many days about how to be a romantic again and then one night while at Lacey’s shack helping her study, Lacey began to sob about her ineptitude in class and Rudy unintentionally let Lacey know how he felt. Lacey and Rudy embraced and for Rudy, he couldn’t believe it.


A couple of weeks later, Lacey had gotten a call from King Colin and things had gone sour between the cherry kingdom and the grape kingdom. Sara had ascended to become the queen of the grape kingdom and found out Gretchen had gone to the land of cherries. Sara vowed to eliminate Gretchen for good, and so an attack came on horses. Lacey relayed this to Rudy who quickly told Gretchen and the Joker’s Wild. They had to fight back. Gretchen told Bobby who vowed to protect her and then they got forces together to fight back. The battle was extremely gooey, but Gretchen & Bobby were able to outmaneuver the grape fighters until running into King Alan and Queen Sara. The two were cornered until Bobby came and dragged King Alan out of the picture. However, Gretchen was left alone with Sara once again. Sara had her way with Gretchen at first slapping her in the face multiple times until they were as red as a cherry. Then Sara made the remark, “Hey, Cherry Cheeks, you’re as a pathetic a loser as you always were” However, just as that statement was made Rudy and the Joker’s Wild hit Sara with cherries from a slingshot all at the same time. Sara was losing her powers and Gretchen was able to kick Sara right in the teeth making her bleed and ruining her purple shirt. Gretchen then took Sara up to Apple Mountain and threw her off a cliff vanquishing her long-time foe as everyone celebrated.

After the long-time battle, King Colin, made Lady Gretchen and Lacey a Princess, knighted Rudy and proclaimed the Joker’s Wild to be the official castle band. After the ceremony, Bobby asked Gretchen for her hand in marriage with a golden ring enveloped in a cherry figurine. Lacey and Rudy continued to have fun in school, while the Joker’s Wild held incredible concerts throughout the land of cherries.

Rudy heard about Gretchen’s engagement and got her what he thought was appropriate, a new aluminum can. When Gretchen opened it, there was a message saying, “To Gretchen in appreciation of helping me find true happiness and for being able to be myself. Forever friends, Rudy. P.S. Let’s golf at Cherry Hills Golf Course sometime.”
They all lived happily after in the land of cherries.